By Ngor Deng Matem
Every day, somewhere in South Sudan, a family is struggling. Some overcome their problems, while others quietly fall apart. Most of these stories never make the news, yet they affect children, parents and entire communities. That is why I chose the title “Before We Lose Another Family.” It is a reminder that protecting families should begin before they break apart, not after.
Over the past few years, my work has taken me to many parts of South Sudan, including Juba, Wau, Malakal and several state capitals. I have also travelled to Kenya and Uganda. During these journeys, I have met many people whose stories point to one growing concern: more families are breaking apart.
From my own observations, I have met many women raising children alone because of early pregnancies, separation or divorce. I have also seen marriages that still exist legally or traditionally but have ended in practice.
I describe these as silent or indirect divorces. This is where a husband and wife remain married but no longer live as a family. One spouse leaves the matrimonial home without a recognised separation, or either partner begins another relationship while still married. The marriage remains on paper, but the family has already broken up.
The greatest victims are often the children. They may lose stability, proper guidance and the sense of belonging every child deserves.
Marriage is more than a union between a man and a woman. It is a lifelong commitment built on love, trust, respect, patience and shared responsibility. It is a partnership where two people build a home, support one another through difficult times and raise children with care and good values. Like any relationship, marriage requires communication, forgiveness and a willingness to solve problems together.
Every family faces challenges. Strong marriages are not those without problems, but those where both husband and wife choose to face difficulties together. When problems are ignored, they can lead to mistrust, unfaithfulness, violence, neglect of children, financial hardship and eventually the breakup of the family.
Another experience that has stayed with me comes from visiting detention facilities in different towns. Some women shared stories showing how unresolved family conflicts had influenced the course of their lives. Others faced different social or criminal cases. These are personal observations, not research, but they remind us that family problems can have wider social effects.
I have also spoken with women running tea stalls and small businesses. Many told stories of raising children alone, becoming widows at a young age or struggling after separation. Their resilience is admirable, but their experiences also show the pressures facing many families.
This leaves me asking one important question: What kind of society will we have in the next fifteen or twenty years if more families continue to break apart?
Children raised by a single parent can still grow into responsible adults, and many do. However, stable families often provide children with stronger emotional support, guidance and discipline. When family breakdown becomes more common, communities may also experience higher levels of school dropout, crime, substance abuse and poverty.
The responsibility does not rest with women alone, nor with men alone. Family problems are often linked to poverty, unemployment, alcohol and drug abuse, domestic violence, poor communication, infidelity, lack of preparation for marriage, outside interference and changing social values. Protecting the family is a shared responsibility.
The solution begins at home. Parents should prepare their children for responsible family life. Churches, traditional leaders and community elders should strengthen marriage counselling and mediation. Schools should teach responsibility and respect alongside academic subjects. Government and civil society should expand counselling services and create opportunities that reduce pressure on families.
Strong families are not built by wealth alone. They are built through love, honesty, respect and commitment.
The future of South Sudan depends not only on development and strong institutions, but also on strong families. Every peaceful home strengthens a community, and every strong community strengthens the country.
Perhaps the time has come for a national conversation, not about blaming one another, but about restoring the values that keep families together. Marriage should not end because of every disagreement, and no one should remain in an abusive relationship. Whenever possible, families should be strengthened through dialogue, respect and mutual responsibility.
The family is the first school every child attends. It is where character is formed, respect is learned and hope begins. If we protect our families today, we protect the future of South Sudan.
Before we lose another family, each of us should ask one simple question: What am I doing to help keep families together? The answer may shape the future we leave to the next generation.
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed by Joseph Ngor Deng Matem are his own and do not necessarily reflect those of his employer or any organization with which he is affiliated. Joseph Ngor Deng Matem is a communication expert specializing in broadcast and digital media and is an alumnus of the Young African Leaders Initiative (YALI) Mandela Washington Fellowship.
